Tag: masculinity

Homeworking and homeschooling enforced by coronavirus restrictions gave dads more time with their offspring, and both parties, as well as mothers, are enjoying the benefits

The coronavirus crisis has been a spur for transformation, with several aspects of our lives changing at a gallop, and that includes the typical role of a father. During the epochal events of 2020 and into 2021, the meaning of fatherhood has been profoundly altered, and for the better.

Most dads have welcomed with open arms the opportunity to spend more time with their offspring through lockdown – even if it meant them attempting to get their heads around quadratic equations and decimal fractions again while homeschooling. 

Statistically, mothers bore the brunt of the increased parenting duties, but dads played a more significant part, on average, than they did before the pandemic. The Office for National Statistics data supports this: during the UK’s first lockdown, which began in late March 2020, the amount of childcare provided by fathers jumped 58 per cent, while their working hours were reduced by almost 100 minutes per day.

“There is no doubt that the events of 2020 have changed the face of fatherhood,” says Dr Amanda Gummer, a child psychologist, parenting expert and author of Dr Gummer’s Good Play Guide. “I believe many dads have seen the benefits of this way of life now, and therefore will be unwilling to go fully back to how it was before.”

Dr Gummer points to a recent study in the US by Making Caring Common that revealed almost 70 per cent of fathers felt closer to their children during the coronavirus crisis. Thanks to the move to hybrid working, with people performing their jobs at home and at the office, she is confident fathers will continue to relish a more active role in parenting in the coming weeks, months and years. 

“Homeworking and homeschooling have significantly altered what it means to be a man,” she continues. “Since some normality has returned, with the children returning to school, I have seen more dads performing school drop-offs and pick-ups than ever before. Being a father now means being more involved in the day-to-day activities of your child’s life – pre-pandemic, not many dads got to experience this to the extent that is possible now.”

Bilkis Miah, director and co-founder of You Be You, a not-for-profit organisation that aims to inspire primary school children and break gender stereotypes, is similarly optimistic that the more engaged father is here to stay – and this extends to other areas that traditionally have been the women’s domain. 

“Men have had to step up and fill in gaps, particularly for those who have key workers as partners,” she says. “The result: more time spent with children and sharing the ‘load’ of parenthood. 

“Men are now doing more housework and childcare than ever before. A recent report highlighted how the number of parents saying they shared housework relatively equally jumped from 26 per cent before Covid-19 to 41 per cent during the pandemic.”

Miah is hopeful that the increased role played by fathers since early 2020 will create a virtuous circle that will inform and empower future generations. “Being more present at home enables men to flourish as fathers, but it also generates a deeper bond with their children,” she adds. “Moreover, this evolution of fatherhood helps lay the foundation of the ‘new normal’. With luck, young boys can take these lessons forward and be inspired to be better fathers themselves.”

This article was originally published by the Telegraph in May 2021, and sponsored by Armani

Modern men appear more willing to show their vulnerabilities – and we should celebrate that this is progress being made

As a 30-something father of two, with a marriage, mortgage and all the accompanying mayhem, I have often reflected this past year, while locked down, what it means to be a modern man. 

Having moved house, welcomed our youngest child, bought a puppy, and worked from home since the start of the pandemic, I’ve embraced the opportunity to be more available to and active with my lovely, growing family, and learnt new skills as a husband and dad.

Certainly, there has been a dramatic evolution in masculinity in the last few years, with male role models queuing up to urge others to eschew supposedly typical characteristics of bottling-up emotions and not asking for help or guidance. 

The coronavirus crisis has catalysed the trend towards a softer, more-rounded man, as we have been forced to be more, well, human, display our vulnerabilities, and communicate more kindness and calmness. 

Admittedly, the pandemic has had a polarising effect, and some men have reverted to stale stereotypes – unfortunately for those people and especially those around them. The majority, though, have embraced change and welcomed the chance to reimagine what it means to be a man in 2021.

Child psychologist and parenting expert Dr Amanda Gummer warns that “outdated concepts of masculinity are dangerous for many reasons” – not least because they can stop men who are struggling to reach out for help. 

“In years gone by, young men have been taught that ‘boys do not cry’ and that they have to be tough and strong,” she says. “Showing emotions or verbalising these feelings have often been viewed as a sign of weakness in a man.”

Dr Gummer continues: “Although there has been a shift in this viewpoint, suicide is still the single biggest killer of men aged under 45 in the UK. It is these outdated concepts that act as undertone within our society, stop men from speaking out and keep these statistics high.”

Thankfully, things are changing for the better – and rapidly. “Masculinity is in a state of flux,” suggests Neil Wilkie, a psychotherapist and author of Reset: The Relationship Paradigm. “In the olden days, the men would go to work. Women would be ready for when the men returned, with a tidy house, groomed children and dinner on the table.”

In 2021, there is greater gender equality, Wilkie says – and while most celebrate this parity and progress, some men have struggled to come to terms with the new reality.

“Now their earnings and employment prospects have declined, and they are in competition with women for most jobs,” he continues. “The change in societal norms and roles is eroding their self-esteem and a sense of purpose.

“Traditional masculinity is about strength, courage, assertiveness and independence. The new masculinity needs to be about self-awareness, expressing vulnerability and emotions, communicating by listening, helping others and connecting rather than controlling.”

Dr Ashley Morgan, a Masculinities Scholar at Cardiff Metropolitan University, agrees. “There is currently a great deal of conflict between ‘traditional’ values of masculinity – dominance, control, not demonstrating emotions, other than anger – and what might be termed ‘softer’ masculinity, which is the opposite of those things,” she adds.

So here’s to all the other men and fathers who are starting to show their softer side and being comfortable taking on more “traditionally female” duties. The direction of travel is clear: the modern man is calm, kind and vocal – in a good way.

This article was originally published by the Telegraph in May 2021, and sponsored by Armani